Rejection, Disappointment, Failure - Oh My!

The topic of this article reflects the deep work we all need at this time. You may feel uncomfortable as you read through this process and read through the end. It is something I think we all need, which is why I am sharing something so intimate and personal from my own growth spurt of managing through rejection, disappointment, and failure. 

Do you ever question where disappointments go after they have happened? Ever feel a lingering sensation of something hovering over you that is not easily seen and almost feels like a film of disgust as you try to take your next step forward? 

If the disappointment is rooted in rejection, getting that NO, that you really wished would be a YES, and realized that you have started to shut down and close yourself off - maybe even called yourself a failure?

Reading that just now, did your energy shift downward and start to feel heavy - almost tempted to click away and stop reading because you just can’t handle one more negative thought right now?

Don’t worry, I got you. If you have ever tried to take a risk, and step forward into what you truly desire and it not land quite right, this is a common feeling that also requires tools to manage through to get up and try again.

I wanted to create a space for you to face the heaviness that may be hindering the positive energy that is meant for you as you lead your life and business. If you don’t take time to face these challenges, then they will compound at a higher percentage than any bank would ever earn on interest for you, and soon you will feel so stagnant that nothing will move forward if we don’t face this head on.

Reality is, we all have meltdowns. Getting to the root of the meltdown and asking for the help you need is more prevalent now than ever because your mission and purpose requires you to have the stamina to get back up and step forward. We need your gifts. I want to help you get to the root of the issue at hand, and have tools in place to work through Rejection, Disappointment, and your battle with calling yourself a failure.

Please note, I am not a licensed therapist. I am sharing from personal experience on how I care for myself at times like this so you know you are not alone in your journey and the ways I pull myself up when down. Please seek the professional help you need, just like I did, and continue to.

Here’s the truth, I had compounded so much disappointment over the last 3 years that the release I had a few weeks ago that left me balling my eyes out uncontrollably for almost 12 hours straight was warranted. I had been doing some work to get to the root of my biggest fears and peeling away the onion of masking my truth to survive in this world required me to release through tears and sadness. I could not speak without crying. I didn’t want to eat. All I wanted to do was feel this immense emotional pain and cry it out helplessly. 

The good news was, I had been here before so I knew how to care for myself. When you are single and living alone, there is no one else around to witness your mood swings or hiding. I literally could hide in my house every day and not interact with anyone if I wanted to, but I know better. I am not a wallower, I am action and solution oriented. Because I am action and solution oriented, that is also the nemesis of feeling my feelings and processing them accordingly. Like I have said before, I am highly functional in my dysfunction. 

This time, however, I knew I needed to feel my feelings and allow myself to wallow to get to the root of why this was surfactant so rapidly and what I needed to do to care for myself in the process. I messaged three people in my life that I know would hold space for me and understand and simply said: “I am not ok. I know I will be fine. But today, I am not in a good headspace and as for you to check on me in a couple hours.”

It’s Ok not to be OK. 

Knowing that someone else knew about my current state, I could release what I was feeling even more. Let me tell you, if this was 3 years ago, I would have locked it all up inside and try to manage it on my own and that resulted in illness and my body breaking down because when I don’t stand in my true emotions, my body will notify me until I pay attention. I learned that the hard way. Not this time, I know better.

Here are the other steps I took that I wanted to share that helped me process through this darkness to make sure that I was giving myself grace and facing the issue head on.

How I manage through dark times:

1. Reach out and let someone trusted know, I am not ok. I simply stated,” I am not in a good headspace, I will be off my phone for a bit. If you can check on me in a few hours that would be great, maybe at that point I can talk through what is going on. Either way, I appreciate your care during this time.” Yes, it gets them concerned, but I am also showing them how to be there for me and direct their concern towards me the right way.
2. Feel my feelings and release whatever emotion that comes. If I wanted to cry, I cried. If I wanted to yell, I yelled. I allowed myself to feel my feelings with kindness and understanding. 
3. Journal my thoughts down on paper. I wrote out everything I was feeling to help me understand where it was coming from, what might have triggered it, and what I may have been ignoring to have things overwhelm me at this moment. 
4. Drink lots of water. I have learned from past episodes like this, that with all the crying and emotional movement, I get dehydrated. I always make sure to drink water and stay hydrated as I move through this. 
5. Book time with my therapists/practitioners to process the emotions thoroughly. 

Here is what I discovered from this most recent experience of processing some of my dark thoughts:

My deep rooted pain of not being enough had an attached story that made me believe I am worthless. Worthlessness is a dark and heavy thought for someone so capable. And my overachiever tendencies are rooted in fighting that false belief. I had to prove I was worthy by doing for others. Something had triggered in me 24 hours prior that had me compare myself to others, and I woke up with a story of “I have not accomplished anything - I am worthless.” Whoa! For those of you who know me well, you know I don’t show up in life this way and have high self worth, but these inner false beliefs were showing me otherwise. 

 As someone who has done a lot of healing work over the years to be more present and stand in my truth, this emotional overwhelm shocked me a bit. When you think you have done the work to heal some old wounds there is always another layer. I would say we are getting to the core of all my wounds with this one. Once I realized the core feeling that was holding me down, I immediately reached out to one of my therapists to set up a trauma release session. You can’t just will this type of emotion away or mask it with activities and for me, talk therapy isn’t deep enough work for me to move through it. Trauma release therapy was what I needed. 

I also realized that I had been stacking disappointing moments from the past year that I let slide unprocessed because of this deep rooted worthlessness false belief. I did an additional exercise that I think you can benefit from doing monthly to stay in aligned action.

Exercise:

Take out your journal or a piece of paper and answer the following questions:

1. What disappointed you in the past year? If you are doing this every 30 days, list out the things that disappointed you since the last time you did the exercise.
2. Now go back through the list and ask yourself, why did this disappointment me? What result did I want instead?
3. Then go through the list again and ask yourself, what did this disappointment show me? What did I learn from it?
4. Outcomes List: Out of that disappointment list, ask yourself, is there something I need to communicate to someone in this item listed that will help me move through this disappointment and put it behind me? If yes, what do I need to say?

Like I said at the start of this, it is not easy work, but it is necessary and I know I am not alone in the emotional rollercoaster that being home in today’s day and age has. It is natural to not feel good, not be Ok, and to seek out the help you need to move through it. I am still processing this last episode. 

My trauma release session was a great start, and there is another layer to dive in even deeper into. My heart and mind are reconciling all the actions and coming up with a plan to reconcile my Outcomes list from the above exercise. It is ok for me to be fragile and admit I am sensitive. I am also powerful and capable. All can exist at the same time. 

I share this with you, in case you are holding on and looking for the permission to release the weight on your shoulders that your unprocessed emotions and deep rooted false narratives need in order to be rewritten and stand in grace for yourself. We all have them. My work is to understand how it is fueling me and where it is holding me back so I can stand in my truth daily and make decisions and act from the reality I live in today, not the stories or unprocessed emotions from the past. This is true conscious living and leading to me. My hope is to help you achieve your version of authentic conscious living by gathering the tools that work for you from my lessons learned, and also know you are not alone on your journey.

I will be sharing some meditation videos and energy releasing breathwork recordings to support healthy habits through disappointment with my Hey Kareen® Community via the Hey Kareen® App. Make sure to download and subscribe today!